If life were a playground - really a playground, I mean - then romance would be a swing and friendship a see-saw. Romantic love is a giddy ride, at least until you hit the ground, when sometimes you can discover you were flying alone all the time. But nobody can keep a see-saw in the air, or even get it off the ground, unless a friend of equal weight and enthusiasm is happy on the other side.
You dont fall in friendship the way you fall in love - you walk into it with your eyes open. Chemistry plays a part, but it is minor compared to its role in romantic relationships. We go into friendship head over hormones and, as a result, we can be in control of our choice of friends.
Friendship means being a friend. You're in it together. Yes, you tell a friend your joys and troubles and if you call yourself a friend, then you listen too, even when you'd rather not.
So, how do you rate your best friends with your partners and do they get along, try to tolerate each other or do you always have to worry about keeping them both happy whenever they are in each other's company?
A perfect life would be if your friends and your significant other got along, but personal experience has decreed that this is not so. My friends hate my boyfriend. They think he is a no-good two-timer and I can do so much better than him. My boyfriend thinks my friends are insane party girls who date too frequently. Im trapped between this battle of wills. I love them both but im being forced to choose between them.
George (not real name), a friend of mine is facing a similar problem. His best friend is a chic and his girlfriend doesnt like her. Worse, they dont even try to get along. They always avoid each other as much as they can. George refuses to choose between them. He says they are both important to him, in their own separate ways. Of course he swears nothing could ever happen between him and his best friend. And I believe him. Afterall there is such a thing as 'just friends'.
Jackie (also not real name), another friend, was telling me only recently how her boyfriend has joined a certain 'clique' of girls. "What's he doing in a girl 'clique' anyway?" According to Jackie, a man is only yours when he is with you. As soon as he closes the door behind him, you can never be sure.
Maybe, but shouldnt people give their partners the benefit of a doubt? Dont people trust their partners anymore? The worst bit of it is that while they are suspicious of their partners, they wont leave them just because their friends said so. Uh-uh. And they wont dump their friends either.
But anybody who's ever been in the position of hating his/her friend's partner knows better than to try to split the couple. Much as he/she doesnt want to see his/her friend get hurt, its always wise to let them make their own judgements or mistakes, otherwise, they will spend the rest of their lives wondering what could have been and blamingyou for it. And you dont want that on your conscience, do you? You dont think you'd get heartfelt gratitude for stopping your friend from making the worst mistake of her life?(Snigger!) The best you'll get is an accusation for teying to ruin her life. Ask me.I've been down that road before.
So what do you do if your best friend and significant other hate each other's guts? Leave them alone. Never talk about one in the other's presence, never hang out with them both at the same time. Keep them away from each other. Dont invite your friends to your wedding. Tough, huh? Well, maybe you can invite them to your wedding, but only because of the gifts.