Lately, we have been dealing with a language so far removed from the adopted language of English that I think we ought to introduce the language police, if only for preservation of the language.
We used to have the language police at the school I went to, and I believe many people many people are familiar withit. Back then, it was a crime to use your mothertongue. One had to use the Queen's language.
Ugandans claim to speak English. It sounds like English, most of the time it is, but there are those irritating questions that grate on a person's nerves.
AS YOU ARE SO LOST?
A person may know where you live and work, recite your phone number backwards, as well as know your e-mail address, but he/she never makes a point of getting in touch with you. Then one day, you go out of your way to pay a courtesy call, and then its them doing the complaining. People only attempt to stay in touch if they find something interesting about your company. If you find yourself on the lonely road of no phone calls and visits, its probably because you have turned into a stiff bore.
SOME MONEY!
You're joking, right? I work for over 15 hours a day, daily, just so that when I get my salary, I give it away - for free? Seriously? If you want to get money for free, take a baby, sit by the Kampala roadside and beg for it.
HOW IS YOU?
Eeeuw! That's not even funny anymore (Was it ever?)
Then there are those questions we all hate to hear:
WHEN ARE YOU GETTING MARRIED?
People think its against the law to be 30yrs and single. If they would concentrate on bonding with their mothers-in-law and keeping their marriages together, they would realise that being single isn't exactly the worst thing in the world.
WHERE ARE YOU?
I would understand a husband on a clandestine mission desperate to ascertain his wife's position when he is with company and doesnt want to run into her, but seriously. Do people really call to ask this?
WE WILL TALK!
About what? We hardly ever have much to talk about anyway.
DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS?
I hate that question because its a typucal catch - 22 situation. If you say yes, you are doomed. If you opt for No! You are immediately labelled a liar. Either way, you are screwed.
WHAT DO YOU DO WITH ALL YOUR MONEY?
Ever been in a situation where you desperately need shs.1000 ans someone slaps you with that question? Why does everyone make it their business to decide how my money is being invested?
Strangers are at pains to understand why I own a hi-fi that doesn't use a remote control, yet I earn a salary. What I do with my money is really no one's business.
CALL ME BACK!
If you have something to tell me, buy airtime or use a phone booth and get on with it. If you can't afford it, keep your problems to yourself. Same goes for those serial beepers.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS
Living alone. For me that means I don't do anyone's laundry or dishes. I don't worry when he is getting home. I don't worry about when Im getting home. No one eats my leftovers. I don't have to wait at the door when its time to go out while he searches for his keys. I don't have to consider the question, "Have you seen my phone" at absurdly short intervals. And I wear my softest and least sexy flannel gown to bed, watch tv till I fall asleep.
Which is a more natural state? Living alone or being with someone everyday? If I had the money, I would keep a place to retreat, a place not to be tangled up in someone else's consciousness, moods and daily emotional upkeep.
I would like that arrangement in part because it's a constant reminder that nothing is permanent. When people get used to a living situation, we get used to thinking that its always going to be that way.
Striking the same routine year-round allows us to wear those filters that prevent us from dwelling on all the things in life that don't happen, until they do.
Im supposed to be writing about how long distance relationships add excitement to a relationship. But as I watch him pack, all I could think about is neurosis. Because when I see my partner dump his entire sock drawer into the suitcase, I feel anxious and insecure. No matter what the facts may be, it certainly looks like someone is leaving me. So its a fraught scenario, watching him prepare to leave.
The 2 of us tend to be morose at this time, but we don't fight, we do that when we get back together. These fights occur on a larger canvas when a couple moves in together.
Most couples, though, tend to settle in for the long haul, choosing their battles and compromises as they go along, often with remarkable patience. this balancing act gets thrown out of whack when you're apart for a while and you get used to a certain amount of freedom. A partner tasting freedom speels fights. And they can be nasty.
After the fighting, there's the good part. The frisson created be absence, the thrill of sleeping with someone who is slightly unfamiliar (and not too unfamiliar). You get to reintroduceyourself. When you haven't seen someone for a while, you notice those things you wouldn't notice when you live with that person, or you feel them. The way tyou have dinner with a friend and she looks much more exhausted than she did the last time you saw her and you talk about what has happened between then and now. You see your spouse more clearly with a little distance. Being apart and then together is a reminder that time is passing, that you'd better take note of it. And that's always a good, if bittersweet thing. Suddenly the need to attend to another person's oddities don't seem as onerous as it did when you were alone.
All told, I have to say our arrangement works out well for us.
Which is a more natural state? Living alone or being with someone everyday? If I had the money, I would keep a place to retreat, a place not to be tangled up in someone else's consciousness, moods and daily emotional upkeep.
I would like that arrangement in part because it's a constant reminder that nothing is permanent. When people get used to a living situation, we get used to thinking that its always going to be that way.
Striking the same routine year-round allows us to wear those filters that prevent us from dwelling on all the things in life that don't happen, until they do.
Im supposed to be writing about how long distance relationships add excitement to a relationship. But as I watch him pack, all I could think about is neurosis. Because when I see my partner dump his entire sock drawer into the suitcase, I feel anxious and insecure. No matter what the facts may be, it certainly looks like someone is leaving me. So its a fraught scenario, watching him prepare to leave.
The 2 of us tend to be morose at this time, but we don't fight, we do that when we get back together. These fights occur on a larger canvas when a couple moves in together.
Most couples, though, tend to settle in for the long haul, choosing their battles and compromises as they go along, often with remarkable patience. this balancing act gets thrown out of whack when you're apart for a while and you get used to a certain amount of freedom. A partner tasting freedom speels fights. And they can be nasty.
After the fighting, there's the good part. The frisson created be absence, the thrill of sleeping with someone who is slightly unfamiliar (and not too unfamiliar). You get to reintroduceyourself. When you haven't seen someone for a while, you notice those things you wouldn't notice when you live with that person, or you feel them. The way tyou have dinner with a friend and she looks much more exhausted than she did the last time you saw her and you talk about what has happened between then and now. You see your spouse more clearly with a little distance. Being apart and then together is a reminder that time is passing, that you'd better take note of it. And that's always a good, if bittersweet thing. Suddenly the need to attend to another person's oddities don't seem as onerous as it did when you were alone.
All told, I have to say our arrangement works out well for us.
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