MARRIAGE? ME?

Ever wondered about getting married - if you're single, that is (of course, silly me - everyone has). Almost every girl dreams about it. After all, we are the ones who beg, hint at it, hunt them down, read to them articles about bad consequenses of ageing on sperm mobility, sweet talk them, all because we want to walk down the aisle. After 6 months of dating, a girl inevitably thinks about it.

What the girls dont realise is that walking down the aisle is like lambs to the slaughter. Its like chicken voting for christmas. Its like walking onto the path of a speeding truck with no brakes.

Not so for men apparently. Men thrive in the institution of marriage. According to the surveys, married men are by average healthier, wealthier, happier and live longer .

But once they are enscosed in this honourable institution, they seem to suffer from sudden memory loss - "Where are my socks?" will be heard booming through your house. There is also that astounding lack of knowlegde in all things culinary. After watching one episode of "Kook and Dine" he insists that the meat must go in before the onions. And when the babies come (and they will!), you'll be bowled over at the amazing male propensity of sleeping through wails that bring your armed askaris climbing through your window.

And silly us - we want all sorts of things we believe is our right during marriage. Like affection. And feeling loved and respected. We want a confident man. A successful man who not only brings home the bread, but the mercedes for you with a bunch of red roses too. A man who can make love all night and make clever conversation by day. A man who can tell a joke, but not be a joke! A man who tells his mother where to go when she says - pointedly looking at you - that he's lost weight. A man who can explore his feelings and care about yours. A friend. A good father. A good dancer. A good kisser.

Well let me tell you what he wants! And this comes straight from a man (well many men). A man wants a wife "to look good, provide great sex, join in his recreational activities and tell him he is wonderful. That/s it!

However, society likes marriages. It keeps us women off the streets and in the kitchen. Besides, some women are still happy to say we'll love, honour and obey! Obey!

But lest I sound like a bonafide spinster, let me add: there is a place for marriage. It's a primitive need to want a man to commit to you, but the contract of marriage is useful for ensuring you have some say over the family resources when you're home burping the babies.

But there's no need to rush. Take your time. Check him out. Check his competition out. See what your friends think.

And while you're evaluating him, drink alcohol for breakfast, eat icecream for supper, kiss lots of boys, have lots of girls nights out - you'll miss all that when it's gone.