CONTEMPORARY MARRIAGE IN CRISIS

Many people wonder what happens to their wives after they get married. It is said that scientists have discovered a product that instantly diminishes a woman's sex-drive by over 90%. It's called wedding cake.

Many people would agree, so there is a little bit of truth to this joke. And it's not as if its only the women at fault. Many of them complain that their relationships with their husbands cool down very fast. Gone are the days of flirting, cuddling, playing. All he does is complain about his unfulfilled desires and all she does is complain about her unfulfilled emotions. In the end, there is alot of resentment and bitterness-no one is willing to make the first move to take care of the spouse's needs.

That about sums up the accusations between most couples. A man has to contend with having sex with his wife about five times on average a year. "A woman's heart is connected to her genitals while a man works from his genitals outwards," says a certain sexologist, Dr Marlene.

In addition, today's lifestyle makes more demands on women than ever before. They are constantly bust at home and at work. Either that or they are too tired. Some of them work so hard they hardly ever see their partner. The limited time couples do have for each other isn't quality time - because they are exhausted and stressed. And working women often complain men don't do their bit around the house. This doesn't necessarily mean non - working housewives have exciting marriages and sex lives. It is undermined by a sense of guilt about not working. Or they feel that their lives are boring as compared to their working counterparts. On top of that, they feel unappreciated, and tend to become depressed because there are very few challenges in their lives. Depression in turn impairs sex drive.

But women refuse to let it be a one - sided argument. They complain about their men's unkempt habits - smelly breth, foul body odour, smelling of sweat, hands unwashed after going to the toilet. Can you blame a woman for resisting the advances of her libido - killing smelly husband? And they get angry when the women want to talk about it, which means communication is also a problem.

Foreplay - or the lack of it - is another sore point. What happens to a man when they get married? No woman can positively respond to a quick rub here and a grab there. No siree.

Many men have the habit of blaming their wiives of being cold in the bedroom, claiming that it forces them to go to other women for it. The implied threst that "If you don't give it to me I will look for it elsewhere" will definitely leave her feeling cold towards him.

At the beginning of the relationship, men do the chasing with the aim of getting the woman to surrender. But when they get married, all that goes out the window. They stop doing the things they used to do during their courtship.

A man can also become sexually cold if he feels no one needs him. In a competitive or combative situation a man builds up testosterone, the hormone that makes him feel like a man. While he is out there doing a job and earning money for his family he feels he is in control. But if he feels he has no purpose in life, it saps his libido.

A woman's relationship with herself is important. If she is constantly nurturing others, she becomes drained. she needs time for herself.

A sexual lifestyle is not about having sex at the end of the day but about having an intimate connection with your partner throughout the day. If a man's technique is poor or he is not an attentive lover, she will say she is not in the mood and masturbate.

If your sex life is boring, role-play, try other positions, or better still, have enough time to engage in foreplay. Foreplay is more than just arousing your partner. Spend time with your partner, compliment her, joke and play around - generally have fun. Then she will come to bed when she is relaxed. To a woman, that's foreplay.

Emancipated women have higher expectations of marriage and demand the right to a satisfactory relationship. They could try doing things they used to do when they were still courting. Women should also feel free to take the initiative in bed. If your man finds it hard to talk about his preferences, pay attention to what pleases him and do it more often.

A love life that falls into a routine can be one of the biggest turn-offs. Plan romantic or erotic surprises for each other. People often get married with unrealistic expectations and are then disappointed. The real world isn't about candle lit dinners but about helping and appreciating each other. Love needs attention to grow and nurture.