1. Thou shall not bad mouth his mother to anyone, not even to your best friends. Insulting his sister or his best friend, or his car is also a bad move.
2.Thou shall not write him a soul - baring note saying: "Once I met you, I knew I could put the pain and toxicity of the past behind me. Thank you for giving me back my innocence." Girl, you'll soon see how fast he can run.
3.--- Buy him tickets to his favourite sport and saying "At first, I thought you should take your frinds along, but then I decided I should go with you and find out why you're so obsessed with this game."
4.---Send him a teddy-gram wearing a T-shirt that says, 'I love you beary much,' at work. His colleagues will never let him live it down.
5.---Tidy his bedroom for him, making sure his favourite shirts are hung on coat hangers and those tatty old magazines he hoards are tossed out. You're not his mother and he probably has a good reason for leaving his clothes on the floor.
6.---Suggest that in order to get closer and explore trust issues, you should shave each other's legs. Relationship issues should never be explored with a blade. Plus, he will end up looking really silly.
7.---Restock his fridge with I-care-for-your-heart foods. For instance, replacing his beers and last night's left over beef and potatoed with a bowl of boiled cabbage, fresh carrot juice and brussel sprouts.
8.---Give him a book entitled "What women really want from their men". You will soon discover what men dont want from their women - books like this!
9.---Constantly ask him for airtime but never make an attempt to call him, or worse, beep him.
10.---Try to change a man, for example get him circumcised just because you would like it.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
CONTEMPORARY MARRIAGE IN CRISIS
Many people wonder what happens to their wives after they get married. It is said that scientists have discovered a product that instantly diminishes a woman's sex-drive by over 90%. It's called wedding cake.
Many people would agree, so there is a little bit of truth to this joke. And it's not as if its only the women at fault. Many of them complain that their relationships with their husbands cool down very fast. Gone are the days of flirting, cuddling, playing. All he does is complain about his unfulfilled desires and all she does is complain about her unfulfilled emotions. In the end, there is alot of resentment and bitterness-no one is willing to make the first move to take care of the spouse's needs.
That about sums up the accusations between most couples. A man has to contend with having sex with his wife about five times on average a year. "A woman's heart is connected to her genitals while a man works from his genitals outwards," says a certain sexologist, Dr Marlene.
In addition, today's lifestyle makes more demands on women than ever before. They are constantly bust at home and at work. Either that or they are too tired. Some of them work so hard they hardly ever see their partner. The limited time couples do have for each other isn't quality time - because they are exhausted and stressed. And working women often complain men don't do their bit around the house. This doesn't necessarily mean non - working housewives have exciting marriages and sex lives. It is undermined by a sense of guilt about not working. Or they feel that their lives are boring as compared to their working counterparts. On top of that, they feel unappreciated, and tend to become depressed because there are very few challenges in their lives. Depression in turn impairs sex drive.
But women refuse to let it be a one - sided argument. They complain about their men's unkempt habits - smelly breth, foul body odour, smelling of sweat, hands unwashed after going to the toilet. Can you blame a woman for resisting the advances of her libido - killing smelly husband? And they get angry when the women want to talk about it, which means communication is also a problem.
Foreplay - or the lack of it - is another sore point. What happens to a man when they get married? No woman can positively respond to a quick rub here and a grab there. No siree.
Many men have the habit of blaming their wiives of being cold in the bedroom, claiming that it forces them to go to other women for it. The implied threst that "If you don't give it to me I will look for it elsewhere" will definitely leave her feeling cold towards him.
At the beginning of the relationship, men do the chasing with the aim of getting the woman to surrender. But when they get married, all that goes out the window. They stop doing the things they used to do during their courtship.
A man can also become sexually cold if he feels no one needs him. In a competitive or combative situation a man builds up testosterone, the hormone that makes him feel like a man. While he is out there doing a job and earning money for his family he feels he is in control. But if he feels he has no purpose in life, it saps his libido.
A woman's relationship with herself is important. If she is constantly nurturing others, she becomes drained. she needs time for herself.
A sexual lifestyle is not about having sex at the end of the day but about having an intimate connection with your partner throughout the day. If a man's technique is poor or he is not an attentive lover, she will say she is not in the mood and masturbate.
If your sex life is boring, role-play, try other positions, or better still, have enough time to engage in foreplay. Foreplay is more than just arousing your partner. Spend time with your partner, compliment her, joke and play around - generally have fun. Then she will come to bed when she is relaxed. To a woman, that's foreplay.
Emancipated women have higher expectations of marriage and demand the right to a satisfactory relationship. They could try doing things they used to do when they were still courting. Women should also feel free to take the initiative in bed. If your man finds it hard to talk about his preferences, pay attention to what pleases him and do it more often.
A love life that falls into a routine can be one of the biggest turn-offs. Plan romantic or erotic surprises for each other. People often get married with unrealistic expectations and are then disappointed. The real world isn't about candle lit dinners but about helping and appreciating each other. Love needs attention to grow and nurture.
Many people would agree, so there is a little bit of truth to this joke. And it's not as if its only the women at fault. Many of them complain that their relationships with their husbands cool down very fast. Gone are the days of flirting, cuddling, playing. All he does is complain about his unfulfilled desires and all she does is complain about her unfulfilled emotions. In the end, there is alot of resentment and bitterness-no one is willing to make the first move to take care of the spouse's needs.
That about sums up the accusations between most couples. A man has to contend with having sex with his wife about five times on average a year. "A woman's heart is connected to her genitals while a man works from his genitals outwards," says a certain sexologist, Dr Marlene.
In addition, today's lifestyle makes more demands on women than ever before. They are constantly bust at home and at work. Either that or they are too tired. Some of them work so hard they hardly ever see their partner. The limited time couples do have for each other isn't quality time - because they are exhausted and stressed. And working women often complain men don't do their bit around the house. This doesn't necessarily mean non - working housewives have exciting marriages and sex lives. It is undermined by a sense of guilt about not working. Or they feel that their lives are boring as compared to their working counterparts. On top of that, they feel unappreciated, and tend to become depressed because there are very few challenges in their lives. Depression in turn impairs sex drive.
But women refuse to let it be a one - sided argument. They complain about their men's unkempt habits - smelly breth, foul body odour, smelling of sweat, hands unwashed after going to the toilet. Can you blame a woman for resisting the advances of her libido - killing smelly husband? And they get angry when the women want to talk about it, which means communication is also a problem.
Foreplay - or the lack of it - is another sore point. What happens to a man when they get married? No woman can positively respond to a quick rub here and a grab there. No siree.
Many men have the habit of blaming their wiives of being cold in the bedroom, claiming that it forces them to go to other women for it. The implied threst that "If you don't give it to me I will look for it elsewhere" will definitely leave her feeling cold towards him.
At the beginning of the relationship, men do the chasing with the aim of getting the woman to surrender. But when they get married, all that goes out the window. They stop doing the things they used to do during their courtship.
A man can also become sexually cold if he feels no one needs him. In a competitive or combative situation a man builds up testosterone, the hormone that makes him feel like a man. While he is out there doing a job and earning money for his family he feels he is in control. But if he feels he has no purpose in life, it saps his libido.
A woman's relationship with herself is important. If she is constantly nurturing others, she becomes drained. she needs time for herself.
A sexual lifestyle is not about having sex at the end of the day but about having an intimate connection with your partner throughout the day. If a man's technique is poor or he is not an attentive lover, she will say she is not in the mood and masturbate.
If your sex life is boring, role-play, try other positions, or better still, have enough time to engage in foreplay. Foreplay is more than just arousing your partner. Spend time with your partner, compliment her, joke and play around - generally have fun. Then she will come to bed when she is relaxed. To a woman, that's foreplay.
Emancipated women have higher expectations of marriage and demand the right to a satisfactory relationship. They could try doing things they used to do when they were still courting. Women should also feel free to take the initiative in bed. If your man finds it hard to talk about his preferences, pay attention to what pleases him and do it more often.
A love life that falls into a routine can be one of the biggest turn-offs. Plan romantic or erotic surprises for each other. People often get married with unrealistic expectations and are then disappointed. The real world isn't about candle lit dinners but about helping and appreciating each other. Love needs attention to grow and nurture.
Friday, August 1, 2008
WHEN YOUR PROFESSIONAL LIFE INTERFERES WITH YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
My partner works with a female colleague, sometimes spending hours alone with her. This didn't worry me until I met her and she flirted with him infront of me.The other women in his office tell me she has already split up one couple by having an affair with the man. She has no boyfriend and no friends except the men in her department. My boyfriend says she is always asking them to do things for her and they love it. I feel she is playing games, but he can't see a problem.
A friend of mine, Liz has a slightly different problem at work. Her superior, a creative director at work keeps making corny comments. Recently at work, he told her, "Your work just isn't giving me the hard-on im used to", and that was just the tip of the iceberg. But after a few weeks of sexually loaded comments and suggestions, Liz complained to the Managing Director. He dismissed her concerns, saying the creative director was 'incorrigible but very valuable to the company. He suggested that Liz 'lighten up' and focus on the important things if she wanted to make a go of her career in the industry.
Bella, a mother with 2 little boys, and wife says she hardly ever sees her husband because his boss (a female) makes him work longer hours. He and two othe rworkmates. Of course, they are paid extra for the time they put in. When something urgent comes up, even on a holiday or weekend, lady boss calls him up 'to go see to the clients needs'. Bella hates it all, but she says she can't do anything about it because its his job that puts food on the table and clothes on their backs.
So what do you do when your professional life or that of your partner begins to affect your private life?
I have decided that my partner's female colleague has a personality that gets up people's noses and Im not going to try to waste time worrying about possibilities beyond my control. Furthermore, expressing sexual jealousy has a horrible way of putting the idea of infidelity into the innocent mind.
For Liz, life at work became unbearable. Aside from openly joking about her prudishness, her harasser made it quite plain that she wasn't going to cut it.
Her designs were pulled apart and, by way of crude jokes, her ideas were ridiculed. The fact that she had spoken to the MD elicited below the belt retorts from several male colleagues about her lack of humour and sense of fun.
While this scenario may leave some in no doubt that Liz was sexually hasassed, others may believe she should have treated the advances as a joke and pandered to the 'sense of mischief' that all boys have. At least, that way, her life would have been easier and her career more successful.
A complimentary factor that works in a sex pests favour is the fact that, as Liz's story highlights, it's near impossible to draw a clear distinction between behaviour that is sexual harrassment and behaviour that is not. Inappropriateness is in the eye of the beholder.
Bella's problem is a little bit more sophisticated. Short of threatening her husband's boss, she can only try to be more understanding and accomodating of him and his job. Lady boss may not understand that he has other obligations to his wife and kids, so its up to the husband to try to balance the two. Tough, huh?
A friend of mine, Liz has a slightly different problem at work. Her superior, a creative director at work keeps making corny comments. Recently at work, he told her, "Your work just isn't giving me the hard-on im used to", and that was just the tip of the iceberg. But after a few weeks of sexually loaded comments and suggestions, Liz complained to the Managing Director. He dismissed her concerns, saying the creative director was 'incorrigible but very valuable to the company. He suggested that Liz 'lighten up' and focus on the important things if she wanted to make a go of her career in the industry.
Bella, a mother with 2 little boys, and wife says she hardly ever sees her husband because his boss (a female) makes him work longer hours. He and two othe rworkmates. Of course, they are paid extra for the time they put in. When something urgent comes up, even on a holiday or weekend, lady boss calls him up 'to go see to the clients needs'. Bella hates it all, but she says she can't do anything about it because its his job that puts food on the table and clothes on their backs.
So what do you do when your professional life or that of your partner begins to affect your private life?
I have decided that my partner's female colleague has a personality that gets up people's noses and Im not going to try to waste time worrying about possibilities beyond my control. Furthermore, expressing sexual jealousy has a horrible way of putting the idea of infidelity into the innocent mind.
For Liz, life at work became unbearable. Aside from openly joking about her prudishness, her harasser made it quite plain that she wasn't going to cut it.
Her designs were pulled apart and, by way of crude jokes, her ideas were ridiculed. The fact that she had spoken to the MD elicited below the belt retorts from several male colleagues about her lack of humour and sense of fun.
While this scenario may leave some in no doubt that Liz was sexually hasassed, others may believe she should have treated the advances as a joke and pandered to the 'sense of mischief' that all boys have. At least, that way, her life would have been easier and her career more successful.
A complimentary factor that works in a sex pests favour is the fact that, as Liz's story highlights, it's near impossible to draw a clear distinction between behaviour that is sexual harrassment and behaviour that is not. Inappropriateness is in the eye of the beholder.
Bella's problem is a little bit more sophisticated. Short of threatening her husband's boss, she can only try to be more understanding and accomodating of him and his job. Lady boss may not understand that he has other obligations to his wife and kids, so its up to the husband to try to balance the two. Tough, huh?
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