Thursday, October 30, 2008


It's commonly known that guys are wired differently from women. They speak the language of action and logic, while women are driven by their emotions and feelings, and this can cause all sorts of misunderstandings. But the more you understand where he is coming from, the easier it will be for you to talk to him... and save yourself some major migraines.

If you ask a woman what's up when she is silent and she mumbles back "nothing", she rarely means nothing. In fact, most of the time, it translates as "I'm mad at you, silly. Figure it out!" But while the language of females is layered and ambiguous, men just aren't that complicated. So when he answers "nothing" when you ask :Honey, what are you thinking about?" you can rst assured that he means that - Nothing. Not a thought blipping accross the brain. Or when you have a fight and later ask if he's really sure everything's ok after he has already said, "Yeah, I'm fine", there isn't some secret code that you need to decipher. He is over it. Guys like to put their card on the table, make their point, and move on. So stop trying to analyse his every response and just take them at face value.

And if trying to converse with a guy leaves you feeling more like you're conducting an interview than having a verbal volley, it doesn't mean he is less interested in you than you are in him. It's just another exampke of innate communication chasm between the sexes. Wome ask questions almost 3 times more than men do in conversations, but that's because women ask questions to encourage the other person to talk or to bond, where as men tend to make inquiries on a need-to-know basis. One reason men don't ask questions in intimate situations is because it might lead to an indepth dialogue about feelings - not exactly their favorite subject. But more than that, men are socialised to take action, not to sit around waste time talking. And if they did chat, they might fear they couldn't get a word in edgewise. So they keep their queries to a minimum to avoid being on the receiving end of a blab-athon.

One way to get him talking is to find a new way to talk to each other that breaks the familiar 'She asks, he answers' mold. Saying something like "I need to ask you something. I could really use your input" will not only pique his interest, it will make him feel important. Letting him think he is helping you and not just acting as your personal sounding board is a surefire tactic to get him talking. And make sure you take pauses, so he will feel comfortable offering his opinion.

In a scenario where a guy gets into trouble, he may try to morph into Chris Rock. They believe its a masculine rule to always be in control, hence using humour to diffuse a situation can be a great relief. The use of humour often helps.

As far as confrontation is concerned, men don't mind it, as long as its from other men. But going head-to-head with a woman is about as appealing as having a prostate exam. Men fear confrontation in a relationship. It makes them feel like they are losing power. They also know that when it comes to discussing an 'issue', you have the stamina of a marathon runner on steroids. That's why they try to exit an argument ASAP, while a woman will hash it out for hours.

So when dealing with a man, first plan your strategy, and make sure you talk to him when you're calm and collected, not emotional. Try to be very logical about it, and keep it short and sweet. If afterward he does a little victory dance and bumps your chest with his, please forgive him. That's how guys communicate happiness.

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